Self-compassion... we've all heard by now how beneficial it can be for our well-being and yet it is also challenging to install as our go-to habit. We are hard on ourselves. For so many reasons stemming from how we are wired to how we were raised - being self-critical is the default reaction for so many of us. Mindfulness practice can help interrupt this habit and build new habits that rely on our intrinsic goodness, our care systems and our intentional desire respond with consciousness to ourselves.
Little by little, we can practice being more tender with ourselves. A gentle immediate word when we bump into something instead of %$^ck. A tender, equanimous response when life feels overwhelming. A focus on what we did good in a presentation at work before we pick it apart, word-by-word. These small moments make a difference in how we relate to ourselves... which impacts how we relate to others.
One small trick to access self-compassion involves imagining yourself as a baby or young child. When we do this, a natural shift and opening occurs in our hearts. And it turns out the tender words we'd offer our younger self completely apply to our current self as well. We are wired to feel gentle toward the young. Simply gazing at a photo of yourself can remind you that you too were once a small child deserving of love and tenderness. Nothing has changed in this respect.
From Matt Haig's The Book of Comfort:
“Imagine yourself as a baby. You would look at that baby and think they lacked nothing. That baby came complete. Their value was innate from their first breath. Their value did not depend on external things like death or appearance or politics or popularity. It was the infinite value of a human life. And that value stays with us, even as it becomes easier to forget it. We stay precisely as alive and precisely as human as we were the day we were born. The only thing we need is to exist. And to hope.”
I know this seems simplistic, but it can really work for some of us. It only takes a small amount of self-compassion to have an impact. A simple phrase like "I'll be ok", a hand on your heart and belly, a gentle feeling of "I've got this" -- this is what self-compassion looks like.
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